I've always had a fascination with how the brain works. Growing up, I really, really wanted to go into a prison and interview the worst of the worst, you know the ones on death row, and figure out what made them tick, why they would make such a decision, if they were happy and given the chance would they do it again....or I wanted to be a lawyer :)
As I've grown through the twists and turns in life, my fascination moved from understanding why people make poor choices to why people make choices to stay "poor." What I mean by that is why do some people choose to make changes, while others are change makers? Why do some people choose to hold on to the pain and regrets of the past while others seem to find a way to let go? Why do people focus so heavily on why they can't loose weight while others choose health and fitness? Why do people ruin their marriages and complain about their spouse while others are fighting for the relationships? Why do people run around in circles complaining about life while others go out and create the life the desire? Why? Why? Why?
Funny, I was re-reading what I just wrote...my kids, especially my son will ask "Why?" a gazillion times and I find myself trying to answer in a way that would satisfy this desire to know but really make the question go away (it never works by the way) and now I know where he gets it from. Looks like I will look to embrace the journey vs. avoiding the real answers to their pressing questions.
Look see, there it just happened a choice and do you think I will do something about it? You bet your sweet sweet bottom I most definitely will!!
So WHY is it that choices are easy to make, actions are a little harder and sticking with it...the mother of all!
The problem is we choose to continue complaining about where we are instead of going to where we want because its SAFE!!!
So say we are focused heavily on loosing weight, it just doesn't seem to come off. After all, we are eating "healthy" we are "exercising" or are we really?? We've seen all the pictures of what really happens when we eat healthy and exercise!
So why do we lie to ourselves? Its so we can keep the problem. We now have a problem that can't be solved. When we have this problem that can't be solved, we connect to ourselves, we connect to others with the same problem...now we are in a tribe of people who complain of the same thing and man oh man does that = connection and understanding. Not only that, we also meet all of our needs for certainty, variety, significance, love and connection, growth and contribution
We don't really want this problem solved! This safe problem means we give ourselves the opportunity to avoid the real problems. I know what your thinking...I really do want to loose weight and I really have made a good faith effort to take it off. Lets put it this way, when you worry about loosing weight, how to eat, what exercises you should or shouldn't do then your worry is placed squarely on the problem that hasn't changed in most likely years. So the question really is, if you stopped worrying about the weight, food and activity, what would you be worrying about? Financial struggle? Relationship woes? Self-worth?
Really, what happens if you take action and loose the weight? What happens to your safe problem? What on earth will you spend your time worrying about?
*Disclaimer* I am using the example of weight loss because I feel in one way or another we can all relate. When looking at your "Safe Problem" you are looking for the problem you have all the time that never really seems to go away no matter how hard you try, its like the stray cat that always shows up on your doorstep.
What do you think would happen if we faced our "Safe Problem?" Simple! By facing it, you now have to deal with more quality emotions and happiness in your life. OH, NO!!! What in the world will you do with yourself now?? By facing your "Safe Problem" you inevitably will be stronger overall to face the "Real Problem" that is if its still around!!
So I am guessing the next question is HOW??
Again, its so simple that this is where I loose most of you! SHIFT your focus. Back to our example, instead of focusing on "loosing the weight, I have to loose weight, I can't loose this weight," Shift your focus. Try this simple step (again this applies to all "Safe Problems") when you wake up, ask yourself, "What is one healthy choice I can make today?" That's it! How different do you think your day will go if you woke up thinking about one simple healthy thing you can do???
So I challenge you to go out into the world and challenge the safety of your problems!
What is one healthy choice you can make today?
What is an exciting experience you can share with your significant other?
What can I do today to experience the ups and downs not just the round and rounds?
What is something I can do today to feel free and light and airy?
Who will I connect with today?
I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.
—Marianne Williamson
Contessa Akin
P.S. I apologize for any grammar errors you may find :)
